Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sorry my hands just texted you
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
