i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
