I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize