I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
