His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
