What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
