weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
