he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
