No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
