You made me cry and you don't even care
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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