totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There r osticjed everywhere
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize