omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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