Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
