mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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