I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
