We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
