theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
