Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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