What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so that wasnt chicken after all
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
