that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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