why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
