I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize