You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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