dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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