I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
