cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Watching her eat just hurts me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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