i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
