at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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