I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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