The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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