so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
