Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
