this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
