Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
