another moral hangover. fuck.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize