his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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