How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
