shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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