i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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