Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
