I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mom said you looked used
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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