My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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