Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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