Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
