I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
