Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
