Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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