Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
