I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize