tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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