I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
