so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
