No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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