I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
