Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
