Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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