Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
