Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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