is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
