I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize