I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
