Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
