Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize