He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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