So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Is it because I queefed?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
