Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
