I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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