i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
