i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
