whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
