I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
