she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
