There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize