I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
