508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
