Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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