where am i from again
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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