went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
