Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
